Decentering Men: Stop Living to Be Chosen & Come Home to Yourself | Maraya (Venus.In.Pisces)

What happens when you stop asking, “Will they choose me?” and finally begin asking, “What do I actually want?”

In this powerful conversation, Rachel Garrett is joined by Maraya, also known as Venus.In.Pisces, a feminine empowerment coach, depth facilitator, astrologer, and creator whose work explores decentering men, feminine energy, relationships, erotic embodiment, self-actualization, and spirituality.

Maraya shares how she realized that despite years of personal growth, feminism, psychology, and self-awareness, much of her time, energy, and identity was still organized around male attention, relationships, and being chosen. That realization became the beginning of a much deeper journey back to herself.

Together, Rachel and Maraya explore what “decentering men” really means—and why it isn’t about rejecting men at all. It’s about deconditioning the beliefs that teach women to prioritize being desirable, agreeable, nurturing, and chosen over knowing and honoring themselves.

They also dive into whether manifestation and divine feminine teachings can unintentionally keep women focused on romantic validation, how to distinguish intuition from attachment and fantasy, feminine energy beyond the male gaze, sacred rage, boundaries, self-abandonment, and the true value of your time, attention, and energy.

This conversation is an invitation to stop performing for love and start building a life that actually belongs to you.

Because your time is valuable. Your energy is valuable. And coming home to yourself may be one of the most powerful spiritual practices there is.

Transcript

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Welcome And Meet Mariah

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Today I am joined by Mariah, also known as Venus and Pisces, a feminine empowerment coach, depth facilitator, and creator whose work explores decentering men, feminine energy, erotic embodiment, relationships, self-actualization, and spirituality. Today we're talking about what happens when a woman starts stops organizing her life around being chosen and starts coming home to herself. Love that. Thank you so much for being on Spiritual Spotlight series. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you. I'm delighted. I'm delighted too. So before you became Venus and Pisces and started teaching about feminine empowerment, who was Mariah and what was happening in your own life that eventually led you into this work?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Just my whole life story. I will say I have kind of lived a lot of different lives. I grew up in a really activist political family. I became a poet and a drug addict, and then got really into academia and worked as an anthropologist for a long time, and then became a therapist and studied psychology. And it was wild because no matter what, you know, outrageous thing I was doing on the outside, on the inside, the most exciting thing, the brightest, most important thing that actually

A Life Lived Around Men

SPEAKER_00 2:09

got most of my time and energy was always men. You know, like I'd be in southern Mexico researching indigenous women's movements. And all of the time that I wasn't spending sort of dedicated to my projects, I was just entirely consumed with is some guy texting me, pouring everything I had into a relationship, always sort of augmenting who I thought I needed to be for love and to be chosen, like you said in that beautiful intro.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

And then I think when I came to psychology, I came to it earnestly, but I came with all those same patterns. And I was like 30, I really wanted a partner. I met this man. We were together for seven years, we were engaged. And I spent so much of that seven years using all my hard-won tools and skills to just completely center him. And we had a few intractable conflicts. And I probably spent like most of my free time all day, every day, researching attachment and communication styles and trying to talk to him about things. And none of it worked. And I really think him and his stubborn ass was one of the greatest things that could ever happen to me because it was such a good mirror. You know, I could see myself like, wow, I am really doing the most for to make him feel a certain way, in the hopes that he will then give me this thing that I have always wanted that will like touch the deep loneliness I've always felt, that will quell my existential despair, that will give me like a vision of what my future is gonna look like. And it was somewhere in one of our like, you know, cold war kind of fights that I used to go hang out in the basement. It's like the basement was sort of my only zone that was like mine. And so I'm like in a pile of blankets, you know, silently weeping, really, really deep down a YouTube rabbit hole. And that's where I found this video about decentering men. And it just immediately made sense to me. It's like everything that I'd experienced could fit really sort of like weirdly, neatly under this banner of centering men. And I was like, yes, that's what I've been doing my whole life. It has completely hollowed me out. It like hasn't led me anywhere positive. Yeah. And it's just served as like a continual path of like ongoing self-abandonment.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Wow.

The Basement Epiphany

SPEAKER_01 4:34

It just makes you sit here and think like about decentry men. We're good, we're gonna definitely dive more into that. And I find it fascinating that I think as women, that's kind of like what our roles are ingrained into us in a society. It's like your responsibility is this.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Yes, I think it's to be other-oriented in general, to give to others, to consider the other, to modulate our behavior, to maintain harmony and social peace. But then I do think a lot of it is specifically around men, around being appealing and attractive to men. And for me, I think a lot of it, at least for me, was because when I looked around, it seemed like the best bang for my buck in terms of where I could get pleasure in life was with men, was in like sex and love and romance. That was always like the most exciting part of life for me.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Was there a moment when you realized that being desired, chosen, partnered, or approved of had more influence over women's identities, perhaps even your own, than a lot of us would recognize?

SPEAKER_00 5:35

I think it was really in that moment. And it's weird because I'd been a feminist. I'd like understood all this stuff intellectually, you know, but sometimes you just really need life to grind your nose and stuff and to like really draw you into the underworld. It was really like an epiphany level moment in that YouTube video where I was like, Yeah, my entire identity is a legacy of how I've centered men. Yeah. And just like to what you're saying, I think for me, it's like I made a vow to myself that night that instead of just trying to engage in all of these patterns that was causing this like fracture in my psyche was to refocus on building a home for my soul and to have like my body and my life be a vessel where the feminine soul could come home and rest and reside in me.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

I love that you took a vow for yourself and then really like came back to your sacred soul. Like that's fascinating. So, what did you begin to discover about yourself once you stopped asking, will they choose me, and started asking, what do I actually want?

SPEAKER_00 6:46

I think to your point, it was that. It was like, wow, this isn't just like a male gaze I put on, you know, when I'm trying to get a guy to like me. Like it really is that deep. Like this is like all the parts of myself that I've been allowed, that I've allowed myself that I, you know, by my conditioning and all that to get in touch with, to express. It's all been structured by like the way that I've centered men.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

And I'd be curious, how long ago did that happen when you like had this moment in the basement? It was three years ago.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

No, I mean, it's just it's it's probably very fascinating to you to be where you were then and where you are now. And like, how different does your life look now?

SPEAKER_00 7:31

So different. And I think my external life looks really different. Obviously, I'm not in that relationship anymore. I like changed my hobbies or whatever, but it's more like my inner life feels really different. And I kind of like went hard. I was like a dog with a bone, you know. I was like, this needs all of me, like jumped into it. I was doing that for a year and a half, and then me and my friend, we just sort of on a whim were like, let's do a 30-day TikTok challenge. And I was like, Well, I'm gonna talk about decentering men because I'm obsessed with it and I think about it all the time. And, you know, my girlfriends are down, but no one kind of I think felt the same level of urgency that I did. And so I was like, maybe I could find my people. And so I did it. I did 30 days on TikTok and like just felt like I did find my people and found all these other women who are feeling the same thing. I don't know if I answered your question. Right. How does my life look differently? I think a lot of it's on the inner unit. I love it. I think it's like my inner orientation is different, you know? And no, please.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

So I will say I want to go back to decentering men. So that is like an immediate attention grabber, decentering men. What does that really mean? And what does it not mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah, I think it's a really polarizing term, obviously. Excuse me. I've also gotten like a lot of criticism for rallying so completely behind that term. I think people think that it's trashing men, that it's contributing to this gender war, that it's about encouraging women to be self-centered in this sort of pop psychology version of the internet where it's like mle mle mleh. You know, there's a lot of people giving advice that is like I think this characterization

What Decentering Men Means

SPEAKER_00 9:28

of that advice is that it's like contributing to a bunch of really selfish people hurting each other and having like unconscious relationships where it's like choose yourself, like your soulmate wouldn't do that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

I will say that when I hear decentering men, that's not the vibe I get at all.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 9:47

That's just a lot of the criticism that I find it fascinating that you've I mean it's that you I'm sorry that you've had to deal with criticism, but I I gotta give you the torch and like no, I believe in this and that this is a vow and this is what I'm working on, and you're still gonna speak your truth. But yeah, I get it too, and maybe because I I'm a female and I live in a completely male family. So my partner's male, my sons are male, my cats are male, my dog was male, like everything in my cats, yeah, everything in my life girlfriend is a male. And for me, it's almost like just taking my power back as a person and maybe being a mirror to them to show them that they can be independent on their own, and they don't need me to do the laundry and everything for them and to set. I mean, yeah, we're partners, but you also need to be independent in this life. And it's for me that I guess maybe that's where I'm like, I take it from. Like, no, I need to take my power back and I need to show them, like, hey, this is how you be a man in this world. Like, yeah. But go ahead, please.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

I mean, I made this model to me. What it means is like I made this model of these three buckets when I was really trying to think of what I was doing. And one was like deconditioning, uh, other was re-centering, and then the third was re-engaging. So I think in like deconditioning, it's all of this stuff. It's like all the ways in which we've been entrained and rewarded to center men and to be other centered. And the way that that's put like almost invisible architectures inside of us. Like, I think a lot of that advice, it can be characterized as immature. But I think a lot of us women actually need to be more immature, you know, like just being able to be like unfiltered and to be like, I don't like that. I don't want to do that. Like, and be okay to say that exactly. Just be okay, just be really say that. And it's crazy, like the lifelong edge that most women have to setting basic boundaries and expressing basic impact about how they feel, it's unhinged.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

You know, it's it's I'm I'm I'm going back to my personal experiences, and I apologize. Please share.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

It's always better to hear personal experience.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

It's very much like, no, I'm and I I will say this I'm allowed to feel how I feel, and I'm going to express how I want to express. You can take it how you want to take it. You know, that's that's your power, that's your choice. I'm telling you how I feel and how this moment made me feel, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Like, you know, it's really okay, but I think to get to a point where it's okay actually requires such deep work. You know, you have to work with your nervous system and your primal fear and this whole identity you have about being a good woman and like being nice and like this whole value system. You have to deal with shame. Like they just like these invisible architectures, it's not an individual issue that just you or I have, right? This is like the entire water that we're swimming in. And it's like cut us off from ourselves so profoundly and from our ability to just be honest with what's going on. And then, yeah, let the chips fall where they may, and also, yeah, like give it back to men and to other people in their life that like they can take care of themselves.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

And be okay with being a little uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

We don't have to be, we don't have to. I feel like this, maybe it's something inside of me that I need to work on. That's okay. And I'll acknowledge that. Like, this is a trigger for me, but I'm gonna tell you this is how you made me feel. Like, and I'm gonna be, I can sit in my uncomfortableness. I can sit being frustrated or angry or mad, or you know, I can sit in it and then let it go.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Girl, the hours, the hours that I've spent with me and my friends, where we're like thinking about how to express something to a guy, you know, like the hours. Yes, what will he think? How will he react? How should I say it? Will this makes him feel it's like, oh my goodness, it's such a waste of time, girlfriend. Such a waste of time, or like even like when you just want to do a tiny boundary. Like there was that meme going around where it's like it's your villain era, but it's just you saying no. Like just little things like someone at work is like, you know, like I was talking, my other girlfriend, her boss was like, Oh, can you take over this shift? And her inner response was like, No, I have plans. I didn't want to, I don't want to cancel my plans. And but of course she said yes, and then she was deeply resentful, and then she was fuming on it. And then she like had to make up this whole story about how her boss is an evil person and this is a toxic workplace, so that she could come back and be like, actually, no, you know, and do it with this like big fight, because it was only if she believed that that she felt like she could say no, as opposed to just being like, sorry, I have plans, can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

It always is wasted energy. And we shouldn't have to explain ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

And you shouldn't have to get like it shouldn't have to be like feel justified to launch a war, is the only way that you can do it, you know. Like you don't want to do it. And I think us women, we do have our intuition. Like, all this stuff is also overriding our intuition. Like there's usually that voice, you know, you know. Like I took this other job, this gig, it ended up being so draining and such a waste of time. And like I knew at the beginning, my intuition was saying no, but I thought I should because this and that. And it's like, that's what I mean about just getting back to that first principle, like getting back to like living from the inside out, like from the inside out. I think we know so much more. Yeah, and I think just doing that little by little, like what's changed, you ask. Like the more that I do that little by little, like my relationship self-organized, like the more I have a free moment, and I'm like, what do I actually feel like doing? You know, and I do it, and sometimes it's just sleeping, you know, or like eating ice cream, like taking whatever.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Yeah, getting some nice oils, like you just spending some time with your your friends. Do you I do want to pivot a little bit? Do you yeah, please? No, I love this conversation. Do you think that some manifestation in divine feminine teachings unintentionally teach women to keep centering men just in a more spiritual language?

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. And then there's all this manifestation where it's like just live in the end, you know, where it's like you just imagine your perfect relationship. Oh, yeah. I think there's a lot of manifestation that's also, I think if you haven't done so, it's like deconditioning, recentering, and right. So I think you need to like if you haven't deconditioned from all this stuff, a lot of the desires that we're carrying around are also intrinsic desires. They're imposed from the outside, you know.

When Spiritual Talk Re-Centers Men

SPEAKER_00 16:43

So two things about this. The first is you're like, oh, I want to be a doctor because my family thinks I should be a doctor. And then I think there's another thing where what we're trying, the desire we have come to is like the physical manifestation or the symbolic manifestation of a feeling or an experience that we want. So you're trying to manifest like success or being impressive or feeling special. And then kind of that goes into your entire history, and you have like a certain idea of what will give you that feeling, and then you try and manifest that thing as opposed to maybe being like, well, what's the actual experience that I really want? And then kind of is that actually coming from me, like from intrinsically from the inside out, because so much of the reason why I was trying to manifest love was actually for all these other reasons. Like I wanted depth, I wanted intimacy, I wanted to feel safe to express my erotic nature. Right. I wanted to like sexually, I'm like on a spiritual sexual path.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

I wanted to be, yeah, feel special, feel known. I feel like I had this core loneliness. I wanted touched. And so it's like this huge bundle of like desire, but I think also like trauma in there that then led to certain desires, certain ways that, like, you know, and then from all of that mush soup stew, I was like, well, then I should manifest a partner. And then let me focus on manifesting a partner. Right. Exactly. Journaling and wishing and rituals and visualizing. And none of it touched the sort of getting to know myself, the deconditioning work, or even my ability to be like, oh, now that I know I want these things, I can also try and make my whole life about that.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Like I want depth and intimacy and erotic expression. I want to be seen and known and be like, you know, all of like my whole life should be about that.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

And then that's where I realized it's like so much of what I was reaching for was actually that deeper soul need. Like I really wanted to be in touch with my soul.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

And it had only come alive and felt touched in these moments of being loved by a man.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

And I was like, oh, that's actually my work. Instead of trying to get that, you know, kind of sideways by having a partner do it for me.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

And then being who I think I need to be for a partner to choose me and love me enough to want to do that. That's like squarely my job. Right. And like my life's mission, in a way.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

I I have a feeling I'm I know what how you're gonna answer this, but I'm gonna ask you this. Can feminine energy exist completely outside of the male gaze?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

How would you answer that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, but I do feel like it brings back the point that you know, as females, we are conditioned, and you've you've you've said we have to be deconditioned, that we need to look pretty, we need to present ourselves, we need to be admired, we need to be so, and it's not just by males, I feel like it's by everyone, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah, it's enforced in every area, every single layer.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Oh, the well, it's pretty privilege, or you know, it's just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

So and also be nice in your family, and also be like amenable at work, and also like be a good friend to your girlfriends, which I think also

Feminine Energy Beyond The Gaze

SPEAKER_00 20:20

just means being under what I call like the tyranny of relatedness all the time.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

There's like one is don't be a bitch, but you can be assertive and don't like you know, you're a leader in your your field, but yet you've gotta it's just like there's a lot of deconditioning we need to do, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Very hallelujah, sister. But I actually think it's like if you think about what kind of feminine energy you're allowed to express under the resonating with too.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah, sorry. I was I was like, I was like thinking of your point too, maybe how you resonate with the term feminine energy as well. But go ahead, please.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, yes, but I think um if you think about the type of feminine energy. Oh, wait, I just thought about something I have to say about manifestation. Oh, okay. Cause I think also to me, feminine energy involves surrendering to the actual energy you are. You know, like I work a lot with feminine archetypes and with astrology. And there's a reality that, like, you're a vibe, you know, like you have an essence. Like the light of the oneness of all that is is going through your particular stained glass window. And there's something just about owning that, you know, like if you're like, yeah, more of a power-hungry, assertive person, it's probably not going to work for you because it's going to be incongruent if you try and be like light and fluffy and etheric and like wearing daisy chain crowns. You know, that doesn't work. Right. So I think so much of manifesting is actually getting to know who you actually are. Right? What actually lights you up. And I think feminine energy is the same way. Because the actual window of feminine energy that you're allowed within the male gaze is minuscule. You can be like ever wet, accepting, you know, delighted maiden, or you can be ever nurturing, caring, giving, forgiving mother. That's it. End of story. Period. Like there's so much of like the actual feminine energy, like the full arcana of what it could be that isn't included in there whatsoever, that I think only comes when we as women are able to like pull out of that and actually tune into what our essence is and what actually lights us up. And then follow these like golden breadcrumbs of like, I like that, I like that, I like that, to rediscover what our feminine energy essence is. And I even think, you know, I was like watching this video about like ice skating, and I was like, Oh, I love it. Love ice skating. And I was, and my friend Liz watching with me, and she's like, You that's you. That's you, just like on the ice, like with the wind, you know, on raw ice in the mountains. And I'm like, my God, I have judged that part of my energy so hard. You know, I've tried to be so like smart and grounded and you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

Yeah, like academic, like right.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Yeah, yeah, activist, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

And it's sort of like, no, I think my true heart is like she's in a Hallmark movie, everyone, ice skating, drinking her hot cocoa, and living her best life. There's nothing wrong with that. That is my dream. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Exactly. You think you're supposed to be a mountain, but you're the ocean, you're wild, you know, like finding out what you actually are. And one thing that makes me excited right now is like the fact that we are so disconnected from our feminine energy is not random, right? It's the result of this like multi-millennia long, very successful campaign to trap the feminine, to make us terrified about ourselves, to install shame, to like have a self-police. You know, we're living that legacy and we're just coming out of it now. Like, I feel like there's so much in the history about what feminine energy is, like in these archetypes, in these like ancient lineages. There's also a lot of really confused ideas and like misinformation and contradictory ideas, because I also think feminine nature is a little contradictory. But I think it's also about each of us as like feminine energy beings, whatever you know, body you've been born into. Yeah. There's like this exciting rediscovery about what is it? What is it? What is it? You know? And I do think it's also you can learn about it by what it's not. Like for me, anytime I'm really getting in like a really controlling energy, to me, that's not it. Which means there might be something, there's some truth in what people say about like feminine energy is a little bit more chaotic. Yeah. That's so true. And that's terrifying, right? Chaos is terrifying. Like we like being in control and we've been trained to be in control all the time. And so then being like, oh, actually, feminine energy is releasing more into this, maybe not like chaos for chaos sakes or chaos on purpose. But for me, my version is just what I was saying before about being more unfiltered or uncontrolled or more expressive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

And letting that out just a little bit at a time. And that's feminine energy.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

So true. And also, we're going to this massive awakening that we're we've just now come through the birth canal and we birthed this new energy, which is fascinating to be tapping into this feminine energy. So it's just it's very like timely that this is the work that you're really focusing on, which is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

I also feel like one of the most feminine things that we've been disconnected from that we're reclaiming is this sacred now. Is that very like there's this talk by Elizabeth Gilbert, it's my favorite talk, where it's like a lot of these teachings from the Buddha, from Christ that were about like being, you know, over giving, compassionate, those were lessons for men, you know, whereas like women we actually need to remember to put, to be guardians, you know, and to reestablish this sacred no that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. And she said, like the profane masculine takes and takes, which you can see in our world, constant extraction.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Um, without even realizing it now, it's so ingrained and automatic. And this profane feminine gives, over gives and over gives till she's drained and all the resources have been plundered and pillaged. And so I think setting this right is like men need to realize they're taking and learn again the sacred like glory, I think, of giving. And women, we need to learn to stop giving, essentially, where it's not authentic and learn again how to receive.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

I feel like I'm gonna take that one step further. I feel like as women, we also need to tap into our sacred rage. Yes, really get angry and be like, no, get angry enough, stop, like and that that inner, like we do not give ourselves permission to really tap into that vulnerable rage and anger and madness because we're supposed to be prim and proper and nice and polite.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, and maybe like the entire balance, like what would be set right if we could tap into that rage? If we could use it to fuel like a real boundary setting of that sacred no, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

So, my audience talks a lot about intuition. How do we distinguish intuition from an attachment, wound, projection, fantasy, or simply desperately wanting something to be true?

SPEAKER_02 27:45

That was a media question.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

I just I do know that in my own body my intuition tends to feel very still whereas when I'm attached to someone, it's like stormy, you know,

Intuition Versus Attachment Turmoil

SPEAKER_00 28:19

and intense. So I do, I think that's part of how I do it. I also feel like you know, when you're in attachment, and I still get attached all the time, you know, like of course, of course. Like I do this work because it's what I need and it's what I still need. And I think you can be attached to a person, you can also just be attached to situations, you know, like not wanting to give something up, or you know, wanting things to end well is an attachment. I think a lot of women have. But I feel like for me, that's the best divining rod I have is like when I'm attached to someone, there's tons of content and there's big feelings, and it comes with like a lot of intensity and a lot of turmoil and inner conflict and stuff like that. Whereas like I feel like my intuition is a lot more still. And I have found that my intuition can come more easily just when I acknowledge the full magnitude of how much I am attached. You know, like there's something about just really recognizing it and seeing it that I think makes a little more space for that intuition to come in.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

I like that. You call yourself Venus and Pisces. What does Venus represent to you beyond romance, beauty, and attraction? And why did that archetype become part of your identity and work?

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Oh, well, in I'm an astrologer, and my actual Venus is in Pisces and my natal channel. But I called myself that just because I feel like so, Venus, yeah, is sort of your desire body and in in astrology, and it's also your desire for all things Venusian. So for harmony and for, you know, everyone to get to like get along and for the best possible outcome. And then Pisces is a sign that's very prone to romanticism and fantasy and

Venus And Pisces Through Astrology

SPEAKER_00 30:24

wants to be intoxicated all the time. And so I kind of associated a lot of this, you know, sometimes like more shadow aspects that I had with men. I feel like it is that Venus and Pisces. And so I name myself that because I'm like, I'm initiating my Venus and Pisces from this sort of like way that she's been trying to embody Piscean energy into this sort of higher calling of like really being able to be a priestess and to be, you know, have trend like autonomous access to transcendent states and be, you know, oracle also.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

I love that. So as an astrologist, how do you blend what you're when you're working with your your clients? Like, how do you blend that into what you're currently like doing with? I'm so sorry, this is not a very good sentence and question. But being an astrologer, I'm imagining you probably blend that into the work that you're doing now with decentering men and working with women and helping them to, you know, embody this amazing version of themselves. Do you blend in your astrology into that?

SPEAKER_00 31:30

I do. Again, I think astrology is one of the best maps for like who you actually are. You know, like your core energies are in your chart and your codes, to me, they're there. You know, that is your stained glass window that the light is going through. And astrology to me is also grounding in the spiritual practice of that we're connected to the universe at all times, you know, that we're like nested within these cycles, within these larger forces, that you're an expression of the universe at the exact moment that you were born, that we're being impacted by these huge planets. Like it's so easy, I think, you know, for us to just get into our everyday selves. And so there's something about astrology that's always reminding me of this deeper thing that we're connected to. And also that people have been dancing with the planets, engaging, relating with the planets and with these forces so much longer than patriarchy, so much longer than, you know, all these things. And so it kind of expands my time and space horizon and just makes me feel deeply connected to something much greater than myself. And that this thing that's so much greater than us also is running through us, you know, like it it's like Pisces wants to express through me. Leo wants to express through you. And we're more like alchemical vessels, I think that we're doing this work also for them to be able to like come through us and like to evolve through us, like finding their like voice.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

I love that. I have to say, and this is gonna be very much off topic, and I apologize if you're um you're like, what? One of my friends, she passed away a little over a year ago, and you keep talking about a stained glass. No, no, it's okay, it's okay. You keep talking about being the stained glass, and and I and I will say in her eulogy, they talked about all the rays and going through a stained glass, and I just feel like she's here with us, and you're just channeling her because I'm like, oh my gosh, because you've talked about stained glass so many times, and every time you say it, I think of Tony, and you would love her. But it's just I love off topic, but she was such a beautiful being. And I was like, and I love that you keep talking about the stained glass, like your being, I just I love that so much. And Tony, thank you. I love that your friend is here with us. And I'm just like, Tony, tapped into Maria, like, what's going on? Must be so. Before I ask you the last question, if anyone wants to work with you, I know you've got a YouTube, you've got a lot going on. Where's the best place for them to go to?

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Yes. I am doing, I do do one-on-one consultations if you're looking to decenter men and recenter yourself in your life. I do do astrology readings. And yeah, I am I have been mostly on TikTok. I'm trying to get on YouTube. So I thought I am on YouTube. I I am, but I sort of just dumped a bunch of videos on there. But I'm trying to be oh, like uh anyway, I have just been putting my TikTok videos on there, but I was thinking it would actually be fun. I just got a camera. We'll see. No promises, but I thought it might be fun to like try and do more storytelling or do

Where To Find Her Work

SPEAKER_00 34:53

more long form videos. So that's gonna be on YouTube soon. And it's Venus and Pisces. Okay. Uh, and you can just search like Venus and Pisces Decentering Men. I love that. And it'll come up. And then yeah. And then I try and do I do videos more often on TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Is it Venus and Pisces?

SPEAKER_00 35:13

It is, or it's also Yoni Bootcamp. And then if you want, I have a Yoni Bootcamp. And then I also, that's what it is, baby. I just want to be like Yoni Bootcamp. I really liked it. And I feel like, you know, yeah, like we have so much power in us, you know, in our Yoni and our womb space and our like feminine energy, spiritual bodies, you know. And I was like, we need some boot camp. We need some design here.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

I love that. But again, you know, these things, it's like you come up with a name like on some random Tuesday, and then suddenly you're Yoni Bootcamp. So anyway, it's yoniboot camp.com, and I have a webinar that actually mixes astrology with decentering men. And it's like figuring out what desires you have linked to men and how actually reclaiming those desires is part of your soul path.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

I love that. So for the woman listening who suddenly realizes I've spent years arranging myself around being loved, needed, desirable, or chosen, what is one practical thing she can begin doing today to come home to herself?

SPEAKER_00 36:30

You know, it's interesting. What flashed in my mind, this is not one simple little thing you can do. But what flashed my mind is like speaking to your point about getting in touch with sacred rage and like what I call like women's lifelong edge to anger, like, there's actually been so few times in my life when I've actually really gotten angry. But I will say one of

Anger And Revaluing Your Time

SPEAKER_00 36:57

them was at my ex when I first found that descentering men video and it was life-changing. Like, I do think if you can actually get angry and be like, fuck this shit. You know, like sometimes if you can be like, actually, you know what? Fuck this shit. And like just feel ready to be like, I don't want to play anymore. Actually, I'm actually done with this. Like, maybe you have to get there a whole bunch, you know, not in like a big angry way, but in small ways, living in a house with all men. Like you have to get to a point where you're like, no, like I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

I am I am resonating with what you're saying. And I'm like, you know what? I need to do that. I'm I'm down. Yeah. I I'm like, yeah, no, I need to reclaim like my time.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Like, yeah. Like if you can find some anger, like that does so much. And I will say the other thing that was the most life-changing part of it is like, I think was this thing I call like shifting the value exchange, where I just realized like I've been taught to value like male attention and validation and commitment so much and to devalue everything in myself as a woman. And I think when we think of self-value, like, well, I value myself, like I think I'm okay. But I think we're not trained to see like the resources of our life. Like it was like your time and energy and attention. Like, I think what got me mad is when I really realized how much of my time I'd spent on this self-abandonment, other pleasing project. When I really realized like how much it meant that the attention and energy that I'd given to this meant that I couldn't give it to anything else. Right, right. You know, when I was like, actually, like life is really short, you know. And I do not want to be like, I value my time for myself, for my life more than continuing to do this. So I'd say if you can get angry and if you can actually start to like, I don't know, even like quantify the resources of your time and energy and attention and realize how much of it is just being like ripped away from you, but that you're also voluntarily giving. And like value that, I would say that. Because then that changes everything else. Like, then if you're dating, you're like, access to me is valuable, my time is valuable. It changes how you date, you know, it changes your thing in work in that situation where your boss is like, Can you come in for an extra shift? And you're like, nope. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

No, and I feel like some people are really, really good about that, and we need to look at them as like, hey, if they can do it, so can you.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Yeah, yes. That's so true.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

I'm thinking about one of my sister's friends because she's very like my sister will ask her a question, she's like, There's Google, like, look it up yourself. Like, she's very, like, all about boundaries. The only reason why it pops in my mind, and she is so good about her boundaries. She's like, No, you do it yourself. Like, you, you're, you're intelligent, do it yourself. Like, and it's one of her friends, or very, she's a very lovely woman, but she's very nice about like she's like, No.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Yeah. You know, I was at this event, and me and a bunch of, and like, this woman came up to me and she's like, Oh, do you know? I'm trying to set up this thing. Do you know where this tool I need is? And I was like, No, but I'll help you find it. And so we're looking, we go to this other woman and we're like, oh, you know, we're looking for this tool. We need to set up this thing. And she's like, Oh, no, but I'll help you find it. And we have this little like huddled group of like four or five women, and then finally we asked a guy, and he's like, No, I don't know the answer to that question. And he kept doing the part of the event that he was supposed to do. And I was like, That's right. That's it. That's right. Like, actually, we don't need five women who don't know the answer to this question. Oh, like I don't know if you are together.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

That's a very good example. That's a very good example. I love that. Well, Mar, thank you so much for coming on this virtual spotlight series. It's truly been amazing to connect with you finally today. And I look forward to talking to you soon.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

Yeah, you too.