The Spiritual Cowboy's Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Randy Lyman, the self-described "spiritual cowboy," takes us on a fascinating journey from his roots as a left-brain physicist and tech entrepreneur to becoming an advocate for emotional intelligence as the missing key to personal transformation and business success.

What happens when a scientifically-minded professional discovers the power of emotional processing? Randy shares the pivotal moment that changed everything—a profound emotional release during a business retreat that mysteriously resolved workplace issues he'd been struggling with for months. This scientist couldn't ignore the cause-and-effect relationship: healing his emotional wounds directly improved his external reality.

Randy introduces us to what he calls "the third element"—emotions—which he positions as the most crucial component of the universe alongside thoughts and physical reality. He explains how unprocessed emotions operate beyond time and space, obligating the law of attraction to bring recurring challenging situations into our lives until we finally address and release the underlying pain. Through powerful examples, including helping a CEO reconnect with his struggling son, Randy demonstrates how emotional liberation creates space for positive experiences to enter our lives.

For purpose-driven leaders, Randy offers transformative insights into creating cultures of belonging where team members feel truly heard and valued. His approach doesn't reject logic or diminish rational thinking but expands our toolkit to include emotional intelligence as an essential complement to intellectual capabilities. This integration allows for more holistic decision-making and human connection in an increasingly disconnected world.

The conversation culminates with Randy's passionate reminder that we are all "sparks of divine creation" deserving of love and success, regardless of the stories we've been told about ourselves. Ready to discover how addressing your emotions could transform your life and work? Explore Randy's book "The Third Element" and join a movement that's bridging science with spirituality for profound personal and professional transformation.

Chapters

• 1:38 Meeting the Spiritual Cowboy
• 2:32 From Scientist to Spiritual Seeker
• 5:28 Understanding the Third Element
• 7:58 Emotions: The Missing Key
• 16:09 Business Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
• 22:11 Healing Through Feeling
• 25:38 The Emotional Revolution
• 27:59 Deserving of Love and Success

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:50

Hello everyone, welcome to Spiritual Spotlight Series. Today I'm joined by Randy Lyman. He is known as a spiritual cowboy and he is the author of the new book, the Third Element. Randy, thank you so much for coming on Spiritual Spotlight Series. I'm so happy you're here.

Speaker 2: 1:03

Great to be here, Rachel.

Speaker 1: 1:04

So let's start from the beginning of your journey, the beginning of time. How did a physicist and a tech entrepreneur find himself stepping into the world of emotional intelligence and spiritual transformation?

Speaker 2: 1:18

Well, in 1989, at the age of 28, I was a left brain scientist, engineer and business owner and I met an amazing woman named Maria, who helped me see the spiritual, emotional side of life, and it changed my approach to life completely.

Speaker 1: 1:36

Oh, I love that. So you mentioned a pivotal realization, that's that stress and emotional disconnection were holding your you and your team back. Can you maybe describe what that moment was like and what shifted for you?

Speaker 2: 1:51

Well, I was having challenges with people around me being incompetent and Maria, my partner, said everything in life is a mirror. Look at yourself. So I looked at my thoughts and I tried to be more competent. I looked at my actions and I tried to be more competent, and I was just hitting my head against the wall for months. And then I went to a four day business communication retreat and on the third day I had a huge emotional release around something a family member had said 12 years ago about how they wished I was more like my friend John.

Speaker 2: 2:21

Well, I had tried for 12 years to be more competent, to get their approval, because when I was younger I was 17, I was still trying to figure out the world and I thought God, if this family member, if this person, doesn't approve of me, how am I gonna make it in the world? So I was trying to be competent, subconsciously. Well, I had this big emotional release I get through. I cried the tears, I let all the pain out and four days later, when I came back to work, all the people who were incompetent either magically became competent or they left my life.

Speaker 2: 2:54

And as a scientist, cause and effect, I made the connection.

Speaker 1: 2:58

I love that you were able to make that connection. That is honestly. You are right. I'm always like when in the spiritual realm, I'm always like we have to model right behavior, we have to model right behavior with the model right behavior and I I really respect the fact that you had that pivotal moment and then you like kind of applied it to your work and now, as being the spiritual cowboy and writing the book, and I'm sure it's been a a progression of energy and changes, I'm having a moment in my brain. Well, it was a big change.

Speaker 2: 3:27

And so what happened was, as I started to embrace the emotional side of life, I had to look at my anger, my frustration, all my disappointments and, underneath there, deeper level of sadness.

Speaker 2: 3:39

So all these emotions I was hanging on to started to come to the surface, and my partner at the time helped guide me through that and I learned that if I could go back and feel those emotional pains completely and release them, then they no longer attracted chaos into my life, because the emotions are bigger than time and space and they have to come through our body in the present moment, Right, and so our mind is never in the present moment.

Speaker 2: 4:04

Our thinking mind is the past, the future, a string of thought Now we can observe in the present moment, but that's different. So we can never think our way through an emotional challenge because when we're thinking we're not in touch with our body. So, as I cover it in the book, we need to get back to a place and a safe time and place where we can feel those emotions through our body, feel the pain completely, and the key is to release it. And, as I explained in the book, the law of attraction is obligated to bring us reminders of our old emotional unresolved trauma and it just it's obligated. There's no way around that, and when we avoid it we get bigger and bigger irritations in our life until we finally find a way to get in touch with it.

Speaker 1: 4:48

Yeah. So let's talk, let's jump in and talk about your book. So he has a new book. It's called the third element. Right, here's the cover I love, I love the key. I was like, oh, I really like the cover, I like, I really like the simplicity of it, but it like it's like oh, what's the missing key of law of attraction? So you call emotions the missing key to manifestation. Why do you believe emotions, rather than mindset alone, are the true driving force?

Speaker 2: 5:15

Everything in the universe fits into one of three categories, or three elements, as I say our thoughts, our thinking, mind and thoughts, and information our body and the physical world.

Speaker 2: 5:25

And the third, and the most important, is our emotions. And emotions are bigger than time and space. We want to feel good. It's an emotion to feel good, to be joyous, to be happy, to be enthusiastic. So we educate ourselves to be smart, we work hard, so we'll feel, but then we turn off our emotions. How are we going to feel good? And we turn them off? And, more importantly, the power of feeling good attracts more good and the power of releasing old, painful emotions allows space for more good.

Speaker 1: 5:56

Absolutely. Can you maybe share a powerful transformation story, either of your own or clients, that really illustrates the power of the third element in action?

Speaker 2: 6:06

I'll talk about a CEO I worked with whose son was having some drug addiction challenges and he was not able to connect with his son and he had his own emotional journey to go through. So I guided him to the idea, I held the space for him and we talked over a matter of weeks and he got to a place where he was able to feel his own pain around his son's challenge not fix his son's challenge, but to feel his own pain. And when he did and he got through it and he felt that pain, then suddenly he was able to connect with his son and his son was able to make breakthroughs. But first the gift to him was to be able to get through his own pain and that changes relationship with his son drastically in a better, in an amazingly better way.

Speaker 1: 6:48

Oh, I love that. That sounds amazing. Like what a journey and a transformation for him and his son. Like, oh, I love that. So your book blends science with spirituality. Can you maybe give us an example of how those two worlds converge in your work today?

Speaker 2: 7:05

Okay, well, everything in the world is energy from a point of physics or chemistry or engineering, and we learn that in electrical charges opposites attract, but in resonance, in vibrational, resonance like attracts, like.

Speaker 2: 7:22

So things that are similar to each other are attracted to each other through sympathetic resonance. And that's science, that's tuning forks, that's a whole lot more things, radio waves, etc. And so in our life, the world is co-created for us by the law of attraction. Every moment of every day it's not like oh, I'm gonna manifest something, I'm gonna call this in. Now. It's happening all the time. So our thoughts resonate, our actions resonate and our emotions resonate at an energetic level.

Speaker 2: 7:51

And in science science again everything's energy. In our life, everything is energy. So our emotions have an energy of their own and they're very valid in the moment. If we feel them completely in the moment. They pass, they're gone, they were useful. But once the moment has passed, if we didn't feel that pain completely, it's stored within us, it resonates at a certain frequency and it obligates the law of attraction to bring us reminders. And those irritations, those gifts of irritation, are reminders. And now, as I explain in the book, we're able to go through steps to get in touch with that and release that energy and then good replaces that old, painful energy.

Speaker 1: 8:32

So, while writing this book, was there maybe a particular emotional block or pattern in your own life that you had to confront in order to unlock your own abundance and clarity?

Speaker 2: 8:42

Well, over the four years it took me to write the book, every single issue I had to go back through at a deeper level. It wasn't because I wanted to, it was because I was asked to, and one of them that I was shown about a year ago is some neighbors I was dealing with were basically telling lies and attacking me in a certain way, and so I had to go back to turn the other cheek, which is which means to me respond from a place of love. Now I can set boundaries, I can respond appropriately, I can use intelligent behavior to respond, but at the same time I need to find a place within myself to say what am I feeling that I can heal? When I work through that healing, then it's easy to respond in love and say thank you for the gift. And so when I did that, I had to go back through it again.

Speaker 2: 9:29

I've gone through it many times, but I went through it one more time and I found a way to find a gift in the challenge and truly be thankful and send love to those who were attacking me. And when I did, then the situation resolved itself magically. It's not magic at all, and I explain that again in the book. It's not magic at all. It's just a matter of we're called on to look at things from a different perspective, and when we choose to do that, then the universe responds with magical gifts and miracles.

Speaker 1: 9:57

Absolutely, and you kind of just touched upon this how do you personally process and stay present with difficult emotions, especially during times of stress and uncertainty?

Speaker 2: 10:09

Oh, you're assuming I do all the time.

Speaker 1: 10:11

I don't think you do. I try to.

Speaker 1: 10:14

I really try to but it's, you know, it's weird and I apologize I hijacked your moment here, but it's. It's feels like I don't know about you, but right now, stress, anxiety, tension, frustration, like we're in the United States I believe you're in the United States and I'm'm in New York and there's a lot of very, very, very angry people. So somebody like yourself who's very spiritually minded we're talking about law of attraction and you've got to be present and how do we stay above the fray in this time of chaos and uncertainty?

Speaker 2: 10:48

Yeah, it comes slowly over time, snowball effect. So we start small and as we have small wins, so to speak, and we get good results and our faith builds our faith builds more and more, we eventually get to a place.

Speaker 2: 11:03

First of all, we get to a tipping point of, oh, there's some issues coming up. I know that it's going to be easier to dive into the pain than it is to ignore the pain. And when I dive into the pain it's short, it's temporary, it's not as big as my mind makes it out to be, and then my physical world improves. And eventually we get to the place where we say, okay, I'm having a challenge, I know I need to go here. Then later we get to a place where, oh, I'm having this challenge and I can go here now by breathing, by journaling, by EFT tapping, by going through for a walk, by just gratitude, by stopping and finding things I'm grateful for, and those can be small. We can recognize beauty in a flower growing through a crack in the sidewalk in a city. We can be thankful for either rain or a beautiful sunny blue sky, whatever that might be. And when we get that place of gratitude, when we slow down and we take a breath and feel our body and we stop and realize, hey, this is okay and we remember this is a gift. When we do that, our world changes instantly, and it's a habit. It takes time to build up the habit.

Speaker 2: 12:12

So in the book I talk about some things that people can work with. In chapter seven there's 14 different exercises we can do. Find what works for you and start small, and faith will build. And as our faith builds, then the answers come easier and life gets easier. I wrote this book because my life works really well, but if I go back 35 years ago, it was a challenge. So I want people to understand first and then be bold enough to take a different approach and then find results within the approach and then say, wow, life is good, life can be a game and it can be a fun game that I now know how to win. Just take some time and effort.

Speaker 1: 12:55

Absolutely, I'm know how to win. Just take some time and effort. Absolutely, I'm going to ask you this why do you feel that some people are not comfortable to dive into the pain?

Speaker 2: 13:03

Oh, that was easy for me because I was intelligent and strong. And strong, intelligent people are really good at avoiding their pain. We make up excuses, we find distractions, we say we're tough, we push it aside and it hurts. So ego, which is a valid part of us, we don't have to kill the ego. The ego partners with our higher self through our intuition and with our child self to deal with our emotions and our joy and creativity. And when we look at, oh okay, I got to deal with this, the ego says this is going to hurt. We're going to avoid it. So a part of our mind can still say wait a minute, I want a better life. I'm going to teach my ego to partner with my higher self. I'm going to teach my ego that there can, we can have me. The ego can have a better life through addressing my emotional pain and we and that's why we avoid it because it hurts. But once we start down the path, I guarantee it gets better and better and life improves.

Speaker 1: 14:00

Absolutely, and it gets easier. Like you said, it's not this big mountain, it becomes a small, like mohel it really does. Once you can kind of go through it and go through the steps, it's like, oh okay, here, this is again.

Speaker 2: 14:20

And then the lessons don't get so loud and they don't slam in your face like it's like. This joy is a gift, this is a gift and I'm gonna and I'm gonna guarantee something else as well, which is when we get through the bigger challenges and we can have an emoting let go of the emotion, let go of the pain. Even as a man cry the tears, feel it yeah okay, we're human.

Speaker 2: 14:32

I don't care how tough we are, we're supposed to be or have to be at times. We're human and so when we feel that and we have the release, then the bigger the release, the more we'll feel that rush of love, wonderful, warm, supportive energy rush into our body and our being to be there for us. And that was what really brought me back to emotional clearing, as I knew, okay, this is going to hurt for a moment and then I'm going to feel so much better and that's what kept me coming back again and again.

Speaker 1: 15:00

I respect the fact that you were willing to come back to it again and again, knowing that there was something at the end of this. That's amazing. So, as the purpose-driven leader, I do have some questions. So, many people associate business success with logic and hustle. How do you guide clients to integrate spiritual grounding without losing that drive for results?

Speaker 2: 15:23

Well, as a leader, that means we're leading people. We're not working by ourselves and our results depend on our team and our team is going to respond to us depending on how we interact with them. So when they realize that we are a service driven leader, I'm here to serve my team and my team knows that and, more importantly, they feel that through my actions, my behavior and me showing up clear and vulnerable and stable and consistent.

Speaker 1: 15:54

Then they say oh, randy's on my side.

Speaker 2: 15:56

What's Randy's goals. I'm on board with this because I know Randy's gonna support me. Randy the leader, the leader's gonna support me. The leader's gonna find ways for me to succeed and I'm here for myself. My leader's here for me. I'm on board with the mission. So then, when we create that environment within the team that the team members know it's about them and it's about them succeeding, and we give them credit and we do recognize and acknowledge them and they feel like they're contributing, they belong, suddenly we have a winning team and those people show up and they bring their best. That's how I win as a leader. It's not about me, it's not about my authority, it's does the team understand and, more importantly, feel that I'm there to support them and help them find success.

Speaker 1: 16:38

I really like that answer. So you talk about creating a culture of belonging in business. What does that look like in practice, and how can leaders foster that kind of environment?

Speaker 2: 16:49

Well, first of all, the leader has to be clear within their own being and be aware of their emotions. We don't have to be completely, perfectly clear and healed, we have to be on the way. We have to be aware, we have to be doing the work to write down our outside logical challenges, and either we have a logical answer or maybe a little deeper. We have a feeling associated with the frustration and the challenge, with the frustration and the challenge. When leaders are able to acknowledge their feelings, then when they show up interacting, that feeling isn't in their subconscious trying to push its way into every interaction. Now it's been acknowledged and we are aware of it and we can deal with it and when the right time and space makes us available. But in the meantime that feeling isn't trying to push its way into our consciousness, it's already there. Now we can show up more intelligent, we can show up more clear, and another thing we can do, aside from acknowledging our feelings, is to listen more. And in human interactions we ping pong back and forth and while the other person's talking, I'm trying to formulate my response. And as leaders, you were intelligent. Stop trying to respond. Slow down, know and trust. The answer will come when it's supposed to and when that person stops talking, pause and give them an opportunity to say more. They're probably going to say more and if you can tell they're emotionally charged, don't respond. Ask more questions and give them an opportunity to just get it all out.

Speaker 2: 18:18

Now, when they've gotten it all out and they feel they've been heard, because we truly heard them, maybe we mirror back a word or two. Now, when we have something to say, they're not formulating a response. They've emptied their cup and they're ready to receive from us and hear what we have to say. Not only are they going to hear what we have to say, they're going to realize we cared enough to listen. Now, this is an investment in time, but the investment is huge. Imagine walking into a group of people and you find they're solving a problem without you. Imagine people coming into your office and they say, yeah, I've got a problem and I think this is the solution. We've already talked about it. Those are what we do through helping people, through group problem solving, through teaching people how to approach problem solving, and to listening to the people in our teams and on our teams and in our companies who have ideas and helping them feel that they're important. It takes a big time investment of time, but the return is huge and the profitability is huge.

Speaker 1: 19:18

Absolutely. Oh, I love that answer so much. I really do. I really do. For those that may be skeptical about emotional intelligence or spirituality, especially in the business world, how do you help them open to this deeper inner work?

Speaker 2: 19:34

Well, first they have to be somewhat open to it, and then I take them through some of the processes that I outlined in the book. The Third Element, which is to first do some journaling, become aware of where we might have some feelings and some emotions, dive deeper into those through either continued journaling, through breath work, through tapping, acupuncture, massage, working out, beating, getting a plastic bat and beating the hell out of a pillow and getting the rage out.

Speaker 2: 20:02

These are simple things, it's different for everybody but first we identify it and then we have to be, have an open mind and say it's at the intent. I'm willing to deal with this. And when a leader is open to that, they're already aware that they're not showing up as complete and as calm and confident as they can be, and when they're already aware of that and then they have the intent, it's easy to take them down that road and it's really easy to get some positive results right away that they can, that they can use to show up more complete when they interact with their team or even their board meeting.

Speaker 1: 20:37

Yeah, I love that. So what are some common ways? Unprocessed emotions subtly sabotage our personal growth or success, without us even realizing it.

Speaker 2: 20:47

The people that we love the most, who we really want to hear what we have to say. They're typically the ones who are bringing those gifts to us in the way of irritations, Whether it's people we respect at work, whether it's people in our family, whoever that might be Now, it can also just be a stranger on the street who cuts us off in traffic, or it can be an employee we don't know that well who irritates us, but a lot of times it's those who we are closest to who bring us the biggest lessons.

Speaker 1: 21:17

I would agree with you. I'm just thinking about my own like oh dear.

Speaker 2: 21:25

No, and the thing I mean here's something to add those who we are closest to we are the safe, we feel the safest, responding to with logic and reason and pushing back. When we feel safe with somebody, we're ready to push back and the pushback isn't the answer. If we have to set boundaries or speak our mind, we do, but if back and the pushback isn't the answer, if we have to set boundaries or speak our mind, we do, but if we do it with emotional charge, that doesn't help us. Right, if we look internally and say, where's my emotional charge to this relationship or this interaction, that's our gift and that's the key to finding where we can heal, and then we no longer need that person in our life, reactivating us and bringing us that gift.

Speaker 1: 22:07

I really like the idea of looking within yourself to where is this emotional charge? Because it may not even be like the person in front of you. It's like you said, it's a trigger that's inside of us that we need to work on and we need to. It probably isn't that person you know that's bringing it to the I'm like can you tell? I'm thinking of my own personal stuff.

Speaker 2: 22:26

How often, rachel, have you or anybody out there watching been able to change the people in our world around us, and how hard is that? It's not easy. We're not in control. And yet if we turn to ourself and say, how can I change my mindset, how can I change my actions, how can I get in touch with some old feelings that I have and work through those, we're in complete control when we take that approach.

Speaker 1: 22:49

Absolutely, and the thing is like you don't want to feel out of control, like you want to be able to recognize what's going on within you. And let me ask you this question why do you feel like a lot of people don't want to feel within their bodies? I feel like a lot of people, even spiritual people. They spend a lot of time out in the ethers and they're not connected to their body.

Speaker 2: 23:10

Well, one it's the ego doesn't want to say I'm wrong and I need to change. The other is we've seen people around us who are emotional and their life's a wreck. So just because we feel our emotions doesn't mean we're going to make decisions based on emotions, doesn't mean we're going to react emotionally and we need to separate. Okay, these are the feelings I need to work through and these are people outside of me who react and make decisions based on emotion. And when we realize we can feel and process our emotions without them negatively, adversely affecting our reality, then we have that understanding.

Speaker 1: 23:47

Then it's easier to address our emotions. Yeah, I like that. I like that. So you call this work a movement for emotional liberation. What does emotional freedom mean to you, and how can we begin to experience this in everyday life?

Speaker 2: 24:01

freedom- mean to you and how can we begin to experience this in everyday life? Well, first of all, I think it's the third and final evolution slash revolution of mankind. We had the industrial revolution 120 years ago, we had the informational revolution over the last 30 years and now the third and final revolution is the emotional revolution, the evolution of mankind, where we start to look at, okay, what is the underlying emotion I'm dealing with? And then be compassionate for people who are going through their own emotional revolution. And we can still address them with logic and reason, we can still set boundaries and state our needs and wants and desires. But when we start looking at and being aware of the emotional side of being human, people are going to see us differently.

Speaker 2: 24:46

And here's the irony when we can deal with emotions from a place of calm and confidence and being rational, then people say, wow, this man or woman is able to show up, be vulnerable. And I still see their strength and they're strong even though they're vulnerable. Holy cow, there's some real strength here in this person, and that's how leaders today, the best leaders, are showing up. They're showing up with their true self. They share some of their failures, they share some of their fears and, at the same time, they share their confidence in the teams that they're leading that together. This is what we can accomplish and that's where leadership is headed. And this is this is really the last missing key, not only in the law of attraction but in the evolution of mankind.

Speaker 1: 25:32

Absolutely, absolutely. So, before I ask you the last question, where is the best place for anyone that wants to learn more about the purpose driven leader? Where is the best place for anyone that wants to learn more about the purpose-driven leader? The third element, which, so everyone knows, is the number one new release in motivational growth and spirituality book, which is amazing. What is the best place for them to go to?

Speaker 2: 25:52

The best place is on my website, randylymancom. On there they can click on a link to buy the book. They can click on a link to join our community and get updates, real-time updates on changes and live events and free offers that we have. So randylimoncom is the easiest way to connect and also, depending on their choice of a social media platform, they can connect through social media as well.

Speaker 1: 26:19

Awesome, Thank you so much. So for listeners who feel emotionally stuck, disconnected or burned out, what is one practical step they can take today to begin shifting into greater alignment and abundance?

Speaker 2: 26:31

Well, I'm going to give you two. One is write down your challenges so you can release them from your mind and your worry. And then the most important thing is realize that every single one of us you meaning everyone out there is deserving of wonderful, beautiful life, deserving of love and deserving of success. And no matter what bs story anybody's told you about yourself, you are a spark of divine creation. I gotta slow down. I get so fired up and wired and happy. We're all a spark of divine creation and we all are deserving of love and success and know that and find a way to feel that within yourself.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Oh, I love that answer so much, randy. Thank you so much for coming on this virtual spotlight series. It's truly been amazing to connect with you today, thank you.

Speaker 2: 27:16

You're welcome, Rachel. It's been a lot of fun. Thanks for having me.